Boded kan

I know you remember me and that if you don't write it's because you're tied up; don't worry about it. It's only that I'm so boded kan, and it kicks in every day a few times a day.
Sometimes I just check for emails even at irrelevant hours, it's crazy.
I'm making an email /statement to customs, to print and take there, it might help getting my stuff. If you got any other idea, let me know.
I don't know if and what's going to be tomorrow, not sure the pre-trial will take place. If so, I'll let you know asap.

Emails

Something funny-sad dnt wrote, "all your emails read by us". At first I went sad; it took me a few minutes to laugh, cause it suddenly strike me: you, there, in the free world, have no idea about emailing and never know if the chazir actually let them go through... all you need is hit "send", and it's there, right? So... in Koffeeville, when I hit "send", a few fantastic things happen. First, my email gets the co's pc. He reads it. He decides if to delete some or all of it. Then, whenever he decides, he sends it to censorship. They read it, etc. Then, after who-knows-how-many read it, considering they didn't delete it, only then, it gets to you.
Bottom line my dear free friends that live in a free, democratic country with freedom of speech: I have no way of telling if my email actually got to you. No way. Unless you confirm "ok". That's also why I title the subject, so I can know if a specific gone through or not.
If it's not too much of trouble, please confirm receipt. Sometimes I write long emails, the ones which I'm telling you about this place take some effort and even cost money.

This Koffeeville is a diamond

So one of the blacks had an issue with another guy or two; something about watching the TV. So a day or two after that, four or five co's are "watching" all the inmates during launch time, sending "severe" looks, walking around slowly, occasionally calling "no talking". One of them, gulemino (?) is the "gang activity" "investigator". That is the guy who humiliated me, interrogating me about my sex life, orientation and experience. He's really sweet, walking around like he owns everyone. After launch, they took a few guys for questioning about what supposedly happened, and about the fight (which never happened). To make a long story short, this facility, this institution, this place, is so pathetic, miserable, dark hole on earth; it is a disgrace to homo-sapience. Disgrace to culture. I'm ashamed to be here, not because I've done anything wrong, but because I'm locked up by corrupt, racist, unjustified low-lives and their senders. I will have to scrub my body in Lysol when I get back home. 

Reporting from the "country of the brave and free", your humble, locked-up Jew-boy.
p.s.
Please call usa on the phone, tell them to leave me the f*** alone

Chucky

Do you know Chucky, the killer doll of the movies? Well, he's real and he's here. He looks like the figure that plays him in those movies, he has a self portrait tattooed on his calve, and one of his (many) girlfriends, got his portrait tattooed on her thigh (I saw a clear picture). I hope to tell you more about him in the near future, cause it's time to get back in cell now.

I try to remind myself it's all brain chemistry

Every day I spend here makes me scared about loosing my hair due to tension and stress; then no one would want to have kids for me, right? ;-)

My mood changes rapidly, bounces from one scale end to another. Sometimes I feel really strong and that I can fight; other times I get really down and upset. I try to remind myself it's all brain chemistry, and in my head. Yet, it is hard.
I still can't call collect, I have no way of finding out if it's a system error and will reverse, or a new restriction. I checked other country's numbers, all blocked.

I really hope for a change, soon. Already two months of my life for nothing. For an ugly, racist, corrupt federal government, of a disgusting country. It's not anger, only the truth. I failed to find ONE person here that has something nice to say about this fckd up country. Everyone here hates this place, the government, and the feds. You can be sure some of them is innocent.

Please send my regards to anyone that cares about me, and is standing by my side. Please ask nom to write me something, anything.

I'm tired of spending my life in this shit hole

I'm tired of spending my life in this shit hole while she's doing nothing for me; she's not preparing for a trial... all she's planning on doing is "hand me over" to the prosecutor at the last minute, thinking I'll be so desperate to sign anything.
I'm desperate, only to go back home. I won't give up if I'm wasting my life here either way.
So I wanted to shake her, at least some? Why let her enjoy the quiet when I pay the same price either way? Why not making some noise?
If it won't change a thing, at least make her uneasy?
Please think about this, either way I can't even call her cause the legal phone sometimes locked, and asking to unlock it is the same as talking to a wall.
Maybe what I wrote might get her to something? If I'll get to the last second, and for example, the judge will ask me what kind of effort I did to make things go differently, I will have nothing to say.
I also think everything has to do with her no-doings; it's this and that and this, all builds up to a level I just can't ignore anymore.
I'm wasting my life here, while she's doing whatever, I'm not even on her desktop.
Take a minute to think, let me know. Either way I can't contact her. Even if the phone accessible, I won't resist telling her what I think.
I feel like we need to shake her, at least some.

Missing

FREE time

Suddenly it struck me: I have more free time in prison than anywhere else; in fact, all my time is FREE, an awkward concept cause I'm actually locked with limited communication to the other world. My worlds concludes to a 10sq/m cell, inside a 400 sq/m hall, and yet, I have nothing to do, no chores, no errands, no noting, senior!
Yes, I know, that's because my dear, precious, beloved friend turned their life over for me, dealing all my stuff and some. I'm sorry about that, really am. I wish it never happened. I wish your standing by me could always remain theoretically speaking.
Yet, that weird concept still remains; I'm free of anything and everything.
That perception actually came to my mind when I suddenly noticed I'm doing everything I can to make ordinary tasks, like, taking a shower, time consuming. Only here I came to spend 90 minutes, undressing, going to shower, and dressing back. Yep, 90 minutes. With sooo much free time and NOTING to do, even fixing a burrito gets to half an hour.
What reminds me that I now find the black HEV'RE to be the cool ones. They kind of like the MIZRAHIM in Israel. Many of them got banged up by the system; they suffer of pure racism; they are more open and warm and welcoming than gringos (gringo is how Mexicans nickname white americans, and no, it's not a complement).
So I'm hanging out (out? seriously?), with them. It gets surreal to have late diner sitting with a bunch of them; one Jerusalem white boy (YELED TOV YERUSHLAYIM), with a bunch of those guys, all in for robbery, assault charges, drugs, etc.
All that said, it's not like they are ALL that nice; many of them are indeed nice. Others... I'm keeping my (long) distance.

Please write me something nice, about anything. I miss you all and I really need your words. D believes her "about nothing" emails are boring, but they are not, every email makes me feel more alive in Koffeeville.

Missing you all

My inmate - Nader Ali Sabouri Haghighi, 41.

"An Iranian man was sentenced by a Texas court Monday to more than two years in prison for stealing the identity of a US pilot in order to obtain federal aviation credentials.

Nader Ali Sabouri Haghighi, 41, pleaded guilty in November to four counts of identity theft related to his attempt to obtain an Airline Transport Pilot (ATP) and flight instructor certificate.

The Justice Department statement said there was no evidence Haghighi had sought the flying permits for “terrorism-related” activity.

Haghighi’s fraud came to light after he crashed a plane in Bornholm, Denmark in September 2012 while in possession of his victim’s ATP, the highest level of aircraft pilot license issued by the Federal Aviation Administration.

He later returned to Iran before resurfacing in Indonesia. He was eventually arrested in Panama, where he waived extradition to the United States in August 2014."

Nothing but 2 choices

they told me it's hard to believe it's my 1st time in prison. That I've adapted so fast and naturally, it's like I've been locked up before. One told me, "I saw you sitting in one cell with a guy known to murder at least two people, fooling around, laughing with him, eating together, no way you're new to this". What can I say? Every time the subject came up, I told them, that I quickly realized I have : slit my wrists or bear my burden. The 1st is not really an option, as I owe so much to those who stand by me at this time, I just cannot let them down (that's one reason, there are more, naturally).
So I'm stuck with going through this.
The day before yesterday brought here two new black guys. Armed robbery and stuff. Both around 30 years old. One got sentenced 30 years. The other... 160 years. No parole. Think he will walk out some day?
Final note for now: google NADER. It's a guy in the other unit, I got friendly with, a really nice person, for real. He's a pilot from Panama, I believe you'll find his story interesting. I have more to come...

Walking and talking

An anecdote to begin with: on my second court session, the us marshals attempted delivering me to another facility named "joe corley". Only by chance I managed to explain my religious needs won't be met there. They were upset, for the "extra hard tedious work" I caused, but they aren't allowed to play with religion affairs. So I've been delivered back to fdc.
The corley BE'YUV is a fantastic place to host in: 12 inmates each cell, one toilet, one shower. Feed in cell. 23 hours locked. 1 hour out. No email. Phone calls by a special written request. Violent, anti Semitic population (I met a Jewish guy got beaten there by muslims).
Where is that ignorant, zero, less than a worm embassy guy said I should be thankful it's not Thailand?

Well, the Kofiya consists of one big open space hall, about 40 by 10 meters, divided in two floors, the upper floor ("tier") has an open walkway-balcony running round the perimeter, where the cells, showers and other rooms are located. In the main lower space, there are two fixed long tables with fixed "chairs" (just a small round plate). Public phones and computers are also there, and 5 TV sets, showing a few preset channels.Oh, there is an "outside recreation" area, partially open to the out side, so you can get a look of two high office buildings (it is in downtown area) and some sky.

Most inmates here are Mexican and other South America Latinos. Almost all of them arrested for illegal entry. In many cases, all they wanted is a decent job, away from poor Mexico beaten with cartels, drugs and violence. The other inmates.. well, each carries his own burden.

A couple of days ago I won a free (random) alcohol and drug test. Taken to a room with a desk, big fat guy in uniform and a toilet, I had to breath in a YANSHUF, then pee in a cup. After 10 minutes of standing in the hallway facing the wall, the big whale called me back in the room and asked what I've been smoking. That's his way of fooling around during his boring job. So I cooperated, and we both laughed; it was really soooo funny. Then he instructed me to pour my pee in the toilet and throw the cup. Sweet.
Arriving back in the unit, guys asked me if I got a prostate exam. Again, didn't want to let them down, so I told them I requested for that check, only there was no female nurse to perform it. They found my answer hilarious.
Yes, many inmates here are bored to a level of making stuff like tapping one's shoulder, then quickly move the other side. Or sticking written "funny" notes to other's back. Lots of KITA GIMEL jokes. Just imagine how they react when there is a bikini girl on TV.

The cellblock is an extremely cheerful place, painted white, grey and black. The lights are kind of dim, I guess that's for maintaining a low, calm atmosphere. It is really, very clean here. The floors swept three times a day, inmates required to clean the cells, or "buy" cleaning service from another poor inmate for 4 packages of soup purchased at the KANTINA. That's one us dollar, and they clean the cell really good. Those "soups", small packets of dry pasta, kind of P'TITIM, with a small bag of seasoning, sell for .25 each, and used as currency here. You can buy anything the inmates sell with those soups.   

Well, I have to go for now, time for my daily workout routine, walking in endless circles round the upper level, each round is about 100 meter. Almost everybody do that here, walking and talking about their life in Koffeeville.

Stronger and have got off the edge

I really hope we could sit and laugh about this really soon. I don't see the light yet, but at least I'm stronger and have got off the edge. I think I didn't cry for more than two consecutive days. What a fckn mess.

I apologize

I did suddenly find that instead of emailing nice stuff, all I'm doing is stressing more the stressed enough; so I apologize, it was a build up of frustration and anger, I know perfectly well that nm and u doing the outmost anything for me, and I'm grateful. being here has it's toll and I have to actually fight it to hold from going out.

Food parties

So I'm making jokes here with people that could make you move to the other side of the street. They make food parties, with burritos and cakes and drinks. I'm invited of course. Hey, I'm one of the popular kids here. my Spanish is getting better, I catch more new words every day; actually I hear more Spanish then English here. The English is NOT easy to get; when they talk fast... all I can get is F*** or SH** every other sentence. The Gangs here are like zofim for grown-ups. Everything is about respect. Inmates will actually fight and go to the SHU, just for *respect*. I can tell you it's like in the movies, a hundred times won't be enough to describe how much of a movie that is. This place IS another planet. The KOFIYA planet.
Don't get it wrong, I'm dying to get out of here, I hate waking up and I hate the sound of the door bolted. Yet, it's more than amazing how people just go on here, for months and YEARS, they keep hanging on, they have social life, they watch TV, eat together, laugh together, it's a whole small-locked-up world. Some people here told me that when I first arrived I looked lost. I can even remember two guards asking me if I'm "ok". I looked soooo bad, even they cared. Now, I've been told, I look like it's my natural habitat. Well, it's not, but in here, it's all about respect and phasade. I'm actually hanging with the hardcore, the "tough" boys, and I'm helping others, that helped me when I arrived. If you could only take a minute to think about it, it's crazy. Today I wrote a "request to staff" for another inmate who only speak Spanish; yes, your Jerusalem friend is well respected here, and respect others, naturally. It's time to get back in our cells, "home" they call them here. My cell partner my "celli", speaks only Spanish and a few words in English. So when he only talks Spanish to me, I answer in Hebrew.
Another night, another day in KOFFEEVILLE, monkey-town, the KOFIYA. BTW, I tell others here my theory, how the government tries to make all of us more animal like and less humans. They find it funny, and actually agree with me.
Just help me get back home, I promise you'll hear so many jokes and stories, it may come to the point you all be happy I've been here. Not.

I need a miracle

I need a miracle, not a lawyer. As I said, even if I could afford one, I can not contact one. I do not know who to contact. I do not know how to choose. I can not physically contact any person other than you and the others.

I had a one, 10 minutes meeting with a lawyer. I don't know anything about my case, about my options, about how to help myself, who to talk or what to do.

Even if I had the 20K-50K for a lawyer, that's what they *start* at over here, I cannot, de-facto, technically, practically "get" a lawyer. I have no access to the outside world. Emails I sent to you, phone calls are restricted to specific pre-set phone numbers, at limited times, limited minutes, limited budget, limited phone access hours.

That's also why I can only rely on you, my friends. Without your help, there is nothing I can do.

Anti-teeth-grinding fixture

I just returned from the medic; they took blood tests. The lab guy said I should have the results in a week. I was hoping to not be here another week. That won't happen, ha?

Now I still have to fight for getting the dental anti-teeth-grinding fixture, and dental floss. I asked for some at the medic, they "won't issue that there" only through CANTINA, which run out-of-stock, as if *everybody* here floss daily. No one does, I checked with everyone, no one has it. What's up with this KOFIYA?

I need to get home. No one "important" cares yet?

Upon release

Upon release, whenever that might be, there is a transfer to another facility named CCA.
It's a private prison, all deportations go through there.

I heard, that deportation to Israel might take as long as 14 days, unless, the deported willing to buy the ticket off his own money. So I rather have that ready. I had $1900 with the lawyer, $50 stolen, $250 deposited to commissary, less shipping my baggage, there should be enough. Please make her give you a full balance report including the stolen money and how much was each shipment.

I just saw my name set for tomorrow's medic-call, under "LAB". It should be the blood tests.

ZEDEK?

I'll always remember how N and you helped me at this time. It's about 30 meters and 16 stairs to my cell; I got there just in time to collapse on the "bed" after reading about him taking my cat's pics for me.
This place totally crippled me, I can't stand for myself, I can't protest, I have no freedom of speech (not to mention freedom at all), all that, w/o a trial. Where is ZEDEK? Oh, right, sometimes ZEDEK just a name of a star. When will it all end?

I didn't get the dental fixture for my Bruxism (how does it spells correctly?). I didn't even get a dental check yet, although asked for it three times and notified I suffer of night time teeth grinding. Actually I also asked the lawyer, so it comes to four times.
i have no dental floss either; since the KANTINA offer one kind only (the cheapest for the highest price), and they're currently out-of-stock (no one here use floss, how can they run out-of-stock?), then I have none, meaning, I might get gums inflammation. Yes, I asked for dental floss too. Same outcome as above.
The ugly KOFIYA is first class compare to Thailand; tell the consul I agree and wish him to find himself in my position one day. That could happen since the USA is madly in-love with it's prisons. I have more to write about it, if the blog is relevant, let me know.

To finish with a nicer note, let N know I'm thankful, appreciate and thinking of his efforts almost all day long and at night. I have two thinking modes here: past and future, so you're on my mind all the time. The present must not come to mind.

Night

Hey,
I'm really scared they will try to make a study case of me; I'm terrified they're going to just lock me up for months or more. Please try to do something, I know you're trying, I'm just saying, I'm scared. Please don't let them just lock me up. Someone has to care enough at some point, right? Let me know what you think. It's going to be another sleepless night for me, I hope to hear from you tomorrow's morning

Missing

Morning

The most awful time is waking up in here; like going from numb to a stinking reality, so bad it makes me close my eyes and just want to feel nothing. But it doesn't help, I look at the white break walls and the gray depressing hall again and again, trying to  and I'm can't go out and can't breath air and I'm locked like a sub-human that makes a threat and is danger to society. It's unreal. It's not the way to treat people who didn't hurt others. And there is nothing I can do; unless I had friends outside, I would just be here, as long as the infamous federal "justice" system like. And they *really* don't care; they actually make money, for every day, for every inmate. They build more prisons and hire more workers, more contractors, they make their best to keep, to lockup people, deny them freedom and rights, for making money. Welcome to the USA and F*** you.

FDC Houston