Try and kill the rest of today

Just wanted to let you know I managed to go through another day. I'm checking the calendar obsessively, looking the days gone by and trying to guess how many will go being here. I try to hold up to the idea that if I'll do like shula did, then it will speed things up, but I have no straight forward promise about that, so I'm anxious and scared.
The hardest part is about spending those days without a clue about when something will happen, when to expect the beginning of an end. It's exhausting.
It's hol-hamo'ed now, I remember, and only a couple of days since my lawyer met me, but trust me, the days here stretch and feel like it has been forever.
Last night I had another dream about being in my home, playing with my cat; waking up, coming to awareness was the most terrible feeling, it completely sets the mood down, like below zero down.
Hope you're all good and well. I'll go now to try and kill the rest of today