Saturday morning

Good Saturday morning to ya'll; another fun-tastic day in the Kofiya. Hey, what'cha say to a girl feelin' herself too much? "hey gal, you're pretty... pretty UGLY!" ahh.. lol, kore'a, right?

So instead of getting back to sleep, I just waited 10 minutes in-line for this stupid email; 10 min to find that no one but bz emailed me...  :-(((  listen, it is wrong! your beloved friend is rotting in jail, and ya'll too busy with all kinds of stuff :-); what am I supposed to do in this rat hole, read a book? If no weekend newspaper, then I insist on getting my Saturday morning emails, right?

Well then, think I'll just get back now to my orthopedic bed (actually it's more like "bad" then a "bed", funny, right?), and try to fantasize about being back to my life, 10K km away from here, and about holiday.

Write back, will you? Love you all, for real.

Slowly loosing my mind

and obviously, I'm loosing my mind here. It's no way to spend day after day after day without knowing when it will fckn going to end. Doing nothing each and every day, letting time to just pass by, expecting tomorrow to be just as boring, dull, pointless, meaningless, is just what a human (that has a life), needs to go crazy.
To top all that, I also need to worry about the FBI to actually give me something in return to what I'm going to share with them. It might seem simple, just tell them and they will help you, but it's not the way it goes here; unless I get a guarantee, I might easily find myself in a situation where they just walk away with everything I had, and give nothing in return. Now you tell me, how can I sleep, knowing that? How can I spend my days, maintain all basic routines and needs, knowing what *could* happen, hoping what *should* happen, doing all that WITHOUT loosing my mind?
So do you have any idea? I won't be surprised in case you have no clue, but I must ask.
I miss my life so much, I would do just about anything to get it back. I should have taken the shula-zaken way, weeks before.
Oh, it wouldn't make a difference, cause they would have not let me just go unpunished. So again, you can see, there is more than one truth, more than one way. Could you keep your sanity being in this situation?
Anyways, other then trying to "read", or "learn" (that's not going to happen in this place), or "pray to god", "have a belief", "trust the lord", or "meditate", "find something to put your mind to", other than all this crap, any ideas how to bear this total waste of living?

Literally gray reality

Sitting here, looking around, thinking about my friendmily (that is all of you), for a second I wish you could meet people from here... that could be so funny... I can only imagine how amazed you could get by realizing these "national geographic" place do, actually, exist.

Already told N before, that some of this place characters, have they came walking up your direction, on the street... not at night, just during plain daylight, but no-one around... you would go the other direction or other side, LOL, go? you would RUN.

It's a real Koffeville here, kind of Israeli tironut mixed with soft to hardcore criminals and a bunch (like 80%) of illegal Latin (South America) aliens, waiting deportation.
Unlike I hoped or planned, I'm already in my third month here, have seen people come and leave, feeling like it's my reality, my life. It's so hard to keep in mind that the end for this si'yut will eventually come; so hard to wake up in the morning to the same, literally gray reality.

Being locked in a prison is nothing more than existing. There is no point in living like that for years; I fail to understand how people make it through years of imprisonment. Most probably they hope, or truly believe, or they are just too tipshim to understand how pathetic this existence is.

Some of the Latinos here, came from a living so poor, that warm water, three meals a day (of ochel mag'yil), and no bills to pay, actually makes them happy. Ani nishba, I saw many here smiling and laughing, actually happy, without alcohol or drugs.

I'll now go get ready to lights out time, hoping to get here tomorrows morning and see like 5 or more emails from all of you...

Call God

it has been more than two days that email (the whole system), was off. The mental issues I go thorugh being here... sometimes I wonder if it's a test god puts me to, then I forget about it. One guy, hozer b'tshuva, very into it, told me that once I'll be in real distress, then I'll call god. Well, it probably ain't gonna happen.

Try and kill the rest of today

Just wanted to let you know I managed to go through another day. I'm checking the calendar obsessively, looking the days gone by and trying to guess how many will go being here. I try to hold up to the idea that if I'll do like shula did, then it will speed things up, but I have no straight forward promise about that, so I'm anxious and scared.
The hardest part is about spending those days without a clue about when something will happen, when to expect the beginning of an end. It's exhausting.
It's hol-hamo'ed now, I remember, and only a couple of days since my lawyer met me, but trust me, the days here stretch and feel like it has been forever.
Last night I had another dream about being in my home, playing with my cat; waking up, coming to awareness was the most terrible feeling, it completely sets the mood down, like below zero down.
Hope you're all good and well. I'll go now to try and kill the rest of today

Pesach

Yesterday food was of good quality.
 I was sitting with all other kofim of my floor, no exception regarding that, no celebrations or nothing, just good quality food, it seems they really put efforts in, trying to provide yehudim with better food. There was beef, kind of a cooked small steak, tasty gefilte-fish, much better than it looks, sweet carrots, and other stuff. Also got plenty of matza, quality matza shmura, small pesach cakes and grape-juice in 200ml carton boxes.

It really comforts me to learn that I'm remembered that much. Being here is mentally hard.
If you get a chance, please thank Rabbi Traxler in my name and tell him I really appreciate everything they do for Jewish prisoners stuck in this country, and that he and all the others involved are doing great job.

Visit

Well, I met my Lawyer. Didn't have enough time to go through everything. No big news, just that I will stay here for a while, not too long, but longer than I was hoping for.

Wish I could discuss that over the phone with you; it's too much for email, and I'm exhausted and drained of energy right now. I asked her to deposit my money to my account here, so I'll have enough to make calls.
I did manage to smooth things up with my lawyer.

I'll email more details later, just want to underline how much I need you to take care of getting my bank account running; it really stresses me out to think I'll run out of credit there; please let me know you're dealing with this?

Consul visit

Bottom line first: it was a good visit.

 

Daniel Agranov gave full attention and explained what he can or cannot do / interfere with. He promised to take care of me medical matters, and gave me his business card, promised to approve my emails to him, so I can keep in contact.

 

As for my case, I showed him all the relevant legal information, he listened carefully, understood the problem , and promised to check options for getting the procedure move on.
I believe he's convinced that I'm stuck for long enough with no reason. I hope he can set things in motion, and I recommend you talk to him, ask for his opinion, thoughts, or if there is anything he can do.
Although not familiar with federal law, I showed him and he understood all about my indictment and the law.

 

Hope to hear some news soon...