"Gang of one"

One friend here, 190cm black Moslem pimp, recommended a great book "Gang of one" by Gary Mulgrew (or Malgrew).

The author was one of "Enron" accountants, British, he was extradited by the UK to USA and has been sentenced to 3 years in "Big Springs" Texas prison.
The book he wrote is about his experience, culture shock and life before and during his imprisonment.
If you find any interest about how it's like being a foreigner prisoner here, this book is the real deal.
According to one of the guards here, this guy been through this facility as well.

 

One man's journey from a Glasgow orphanage to a notorious gang-infested prison in Texas 

The teardrop tattoo

It's pretty easy to know and tell if and who relates to any knufiya; they have tattoos, they tell about their memberships... once you eat a few meals with them... you get to hear all the stories, including the ones I can not write about...
The vast majority has some tattoos; only a few have all their body, only one here have his face. Some carry a "tear drop" tat at the corner of their eye(Wikipedia: "The teardrop tattoo or tear tattoo is a symbolic tattoo that is placed underneath the eye. The tattoo can have several meanings, including signifying the number of years spent in prison, the loss of a loved one or fellow gang member,^[1] or the fact that the wearer has killed someone.
The tattoo can have several meanings. In the United States, it can signify that the wearer has killed someone.^[2] Alternatively in Mexico, the number of teardrops may indicate the number of times the wearer was raped while in prison.^[3] It may also indicate the wearer has been imprisoned or indicate the loss of a loved one or fellow gang member.^[1]
According to The Devil's Front Porch, a book written by Lester Douglas Johnson about serving 1927 to 1957 in Kansas State Penitentiary, the tattoo denoted a member of "The Old Fraternity", referring to the Biblical Cain who slew his brother.^[1][4]
It is sometimes worn by the female companions of prisoners in solidarity with their loved ones.^[5]
")

I stand alone... only trouble could go with relating to any group or gang.

7 Most Notorious Prison Tattoos & What They Mean:

Bingo for "Memorial Day"

"Memorial Day" here; kind of like in our country, but with lots of commercials and shopping. They like to celebrate their memorial, we rather grief.
So imagine how amazed I've been, sitting today's early morning in the main hall, at the pc, when suddenly, a guard comes in pushing one of those steel-prison-carts, carrying a ***bingo*** setup, cards, balls ("golden"), raffle machine, the whole setup!

I stared at him like he's a man from the moon, and he looked at me and said: "bingo"

OK, so I got up and got two bingo cards, together with like, at least, half of this block habitants. Yes, that's how exciting it was!
For the next 10 minutes, he kept reading the numbers, way too quickly, so my celli helped my sleep-overwhelmed eyes to check the cards.

Bottom line: no one won a damn thing; the whole thing started and ended in like 10-15 minutes, and was meragesh as sheleg de'eshta'kad. I went back to sleep till they woke up for a sfira. Must love ha'makom haze, it's a real diamond.

It's 12:30 pm now, I have another whole day to waste. For those of you who still wonder why not "reading something" or "studying", I'll just say, come, come over with your books and all your stuff; sit here with me for 3 hours, then we'll see what you have to say ;-)))
If you spend 3 hours in the Kofiya and still want to (or actually can) read, I'll then be convinced you're much better, & sophisticated then I am; by far. ("by far" rights registered to Vered, I'll pay tamlugim).

That's all for today's report, my beloved free humans; I still owe you the tale about "Alabama", another unique habitant.

...

Boker Shabat

In the Kofiya. Woke up at 6, after sleeping 1-2 hours on/off for the whole night; I wake up 3-5 times each night.
So I woke up at 6, they don't wake you (me) up in here; instead there is a loud click of the door lock. Since I sleep (like everyone else), in my clothes, all I need is to get down for a continental breakfast. So I had my usual carton-pieces-style-bran-flakes, mixed with one (almost) cooked packet of quaker (no boiling water, just hot). Delicious.

Now I'm going back to sleep, I have no work on shabat, try to keep it that way, don't like my boss emailing me all the time.

Remember Chucky?

I told you about that crazy doll of the horror movies, actually living here. If you recall, he actually looks like the doll named after him, same look, same eyes... the same. He's got Chucky tattoo on his leg, and one of his girlfriends tattooed his portrait on her thigh... BTW, she works as a stripper. Anyways, about a week ago he went to court for his sentence. He's affiliated with one of the most notorious knufiyut exist: MS-13(Mara Salvatrucha (commonly abbreviated as MS-13) is a transnational criminal gang that originated in Los Angeles and has spread to other parts of the United States, Canada, Mexico, and Central America.Members of MS distinguish themselves by tattoos covering the body and also often the face, as well as the use of their own sign language. They are notorious for their use of violence and a subcultural moral code that predominantly consists of merciless revenge and cruel retributions.) .
In here for murder (what else, he has that name to keep), he's one of the most sympathetic guys around, for real. He also find lots of interest in Jerusalem, he's a great torah believer, and I already invited him to visit. Don't worry, it won't happen anytime soon... as I was saying he went to court for sentencing... the guy is ben 23. gzar-din: 20 shana. He is going to appeal, but even then, it will take years before you can meet the real, living, breathing Chucky.

What's the point then? Oh, there is one: when the judge (BTW, it's also my judge, The Honored District Judge Ms. Melinda Harmon), read his gzar-din, she already been furious cause the guy just before Chucky, answered back to her and wouldn't agree to leave the stand. The Marshals could barely remove him from court. So, Chucky takes the stand in front of an angry judge, believing nothing he will say will matter (probably true)... the judge asks him if he's got anything to say before gzar-dino, and he, in a loud, confident voice answers back:
LET IT BE KNOWN THEN!
Everybody in the court room went quiet...

Do you smell this?

With everything that happen for the last few months, I completely forgot to tell about something crazy happened to me:
I lost my sense of smell, since I've been imprisoned. Lost as in, I can barely smell anything. I don't know if it's kind of defense mechanism or if it's something else; I just can't smell. It is so sever that people already told me something is wrong. It is, however, kind of a good thing when your (my) cell mate is sitting on the toilet located just 2 meter from where you sleep (where I sleep, that is). I can smell if it's really an intense kind of smell, like on early morning, the ventilation spread kitchen smells; or if I nose-touch a bar of soap. Other than that, nothing.

Just another of this makom nifla miracles.

When you find yourself sitting in jail

When you find yourself sitting in jail, surrounded by Mexicans, gang-members, white criminals and black ones(many of them look frightening), watching an animation movie on TV ("The Guardians"), and communicating with criminals during the commercials.
You know that you are at your worst (al-hapanim) when you're emailing your friends, and have no clue when you'll ever see them or when you we will be back home.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger

Being closed here.. it's not really open for discussion; it's something we must survive, and giving up is for those who don't appreciate their life.

I still can't figure out how people here (that I know, in person), deal with being at their 30', sentenced to 25-35 years; this kind of crazy, the system turns them to a have-nothing-to-loose animals. Too many people in this country, makes life worth much, much less. We should be thankful, grateful for living in a small country where human lives matter.

People living free, outside of this bizarre place simply cannot get the meaning how it's like; we all try to imagine all kinds of existence situations, it is never like in reality. The same as the blind cannot imagine the concept of color.

It will take time, but I'm sure it will end. And, like Nietzsche, said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

Please write more... it keeps me alive.

I miss home so much it actually hurt

Rabbi Traxler came to visit me yesterday. As always, I got the attention of the whole cellblock, when they see me greeting / hugging an older outside person, dressed up funny, that go in a room with me for like 90 min.

 

Traxler, sympathetic as always, asked how I'm doing, about my case, and we discussed for a while. Then he taught me about Hag-Shavu'ot.
I'm going to spend another holiday in the Kofiya.

 

I miss home so much it actually hurt; I miss the air, the warm nights, the sun, neighborhood sounds, smells, everything.
Being locked in a way that my entire world, my whole existence comes down to 400 sq/meters, makes the soul hard, tough, even kind of full of hatred. I'm absolutely sure that putting people in prison, makes them even more nasty and more hating than what they were like beforehand.
There are no plants here; no colors. No domestic animals, not even bugs; nothing lives here but men that share the exact same feelings about being in this place. The exact feelings.

 

It's funny-sad that bad attitude, human disrespect and dehumanizing, generates in one direction here, from jailors to prisoners. The prisoners, respect each other or ignore (at the worst case); the jailors, ignore prisoners at the best scenario, or bother and offend them on the worst scenario case. Nice, right?

 

Let's end with a joke:
What do fat-women and bricks have in common?

 

Both being laid by Mexicans...

I made lots of mistakes, in the name of greed and thrill. Now I get to pay the bill.

The fdrl system works according to guidelines, rules and "criminal offense level". All of that sets me at level of 14 points, less 2 for accepting responsibility, 12. Meaning, sentencing guidelines range 10-16 months, less time served.
Once a defendant cooperated with the government, comes clean and tells the true info they want to know, it's something they don't mess with.  They seek a swift, easy conviction and discovering more criminal activity.
Before I saw the discovery, that is the evidence, I believed it's nothing, After I got the discovery, my jaw dropped, I realized the full meaning of my position. I did, in-fact, make mistakes and done wrong; it's just that over 4-5 years, it looks like nothing much.
It was X that batrade me. The you-know-who "only" turned his back on me. Why did the first dig me a hole, made it deeper and push me in? I can only guess, and it's lots of speculations. He got paid for cooperating with me doing those nevey'le, while reporting me to the rashuyut.
Just the evidence can make a story telling evening; they followed me to almost everywhere.
I made lots of mistakes, in the name of greed and thrill. Now I get to pay the bill.

Never imagined my home-town will get so popular here

Friday is coming to end in the Kofiya. Everything was as it has been yesterday, and the day before, and before... you get the idea. This place is about nothing. And no, thank you but I can't read nor study here; it's nearly impossible, even for those who *know* their sentence or have been sentenced.
I never imagined my home-town will get so popular here; especially among the Mexicans, most of them true believers with lots of genuine faith, they have tons of questions about Jerusalem, about Jesus, elohim, everything. They also suffer of inferior feelings, so I've been asked if "they" (Israelis AKA Ibreus), hate Mexicans too (like most of the US).
Americans on the other hand, have troubles of their own; I wrote in previous emails about the blacks against the whites the spanish, and vice versa.
The Americans truly believe (they been brained washed), that foreign countries all over the world, yes, in Europe too, are dangerous. The common belief is that foreigners are most likely to get kidnapped and murdered there. When I researched the reason for this belief, they mentioned movies like "Hostel" and "Taken". Yes, seriously. 

So I'll get going now, check if there is anything to mess with. Make sure you're writing back during this weekend...

When was the last time a convicted murderer cleaned your room

When was the last time a convicted murderer cleaned your room for four soup packets ($1)?
No need to answer this. Actually, I found that murderers, robbers and drug dealers often look way less intimidating then how they appear in the movies. That and more, the only people around here that often behave like shit are the jailers. Those ass howls read all emails.

Another funny-sad anecdote: one of the mentioned above asked me if any of my friends was surprised upon my situation; if any of them always believed that if anyone he knows find himself behind bars, it will be me. I didn't have to answer that, my face expression gave the answer.

Yes, my dear friends, I made my way to top of the food chain here. I'm one of the mekubalim. I don't know if to laugh, cry or both. I try not to think about what yal told me, that maybe it was ought to happen.

With that note, I have to go, they rack-us-up for counting and supper, yes, it's at five o'clock.

The way back is so far