It is more than you can imagine

My PSI was supposed to be available to me on Aug.7th. No one talked, replied or anything. You remember it's a gzar-din, not a trial, right? Therefore it doesn't really matter to them, if I get updated or not at all. They never even finished to show me the evidence, that's how it goes. Please remind yourself I'm less than nothing, here.
The only thing on  my mind these days is the day after. I'm planning to go and tell about sexual assault, physical, blackmail, everything. It's not me who needs to be ashamed of what happened to me here.Trust me, ,

Zombies do really exist

First I lost weight, then I gained some back, now I'm back as I was before getting in this jehenom. It's really, really tough here, you probably get updates from Y, yet, you guys are the only ones who I can complain to, the only ones who really care.
I try not to think about the future and about going back, I do my best to discard any thought about my life there, it hurts too much. Zombies do really exist. In captivity. I now understand things like never before, too damn shame I had to get in this ugly place for that.

Doing my best to survive, but trust me, being "strong" here is impossible for people like us; it's a different world here, without anything kindness, compassion or dignity. Or anything like it. People here range between opportunists to pure evil.

Sorry for the pessimistic tone, I'm just really tired of this.

I am tired,

I want to go home. It's been too much already. In the movies it ends like after 8-12 episodes or a full-length movie. It's different, even funny. nothing like that in this jehenom. ani sone et hamedina hzo, everything about it. Just want to go back home.

Yestarday, again, beating

Fighting... what's wrong with these people, with their violence saturated mentality? How come the system fails to understand, fails to see that locking the wolves with the sheep, only does bad? I really can't get the idea behind that.
Anyway, one 165cm from Mexico, with lots of nerve, threw a glass of water in the face of a 190cm giant, his fists so fast, it looks like fast-forward. During dinner. I was about to finish my food. Knew what's going to happen next. Managed to eat 6 full spoons in two bites. 7 Prison guards rushing in. Shouts. Huge mess. 2 are going to the SHU. everyone else in lock-down.
This place makes good people become better ones; it is a real diamond on earth.
The eighth world's wonder. Humanity, love, compassion.

"cute" is a big no-no..

It's hard to describe or explain how wrong this place is; maybe just try to imagine a cube made of steel and stone, filled with people ranging from opportunists at best, to pure evil psychopaths on the worst case.
Try to imagine a place where everything is abnormal; everything crooked or wrong, there is nothing, absolutely nothing good here. I can count less than 5 people who might be considered as "fair", and maybe one who is trustworthy. That count is of 120, most of them come and go every day, faces changing faster than one can realize.
Now take that info, try to remember this is one of the easiest units in this relatively easy detention facility, it's nothing like a real jail, most definitely not like a high-risk facility.
It's a level 3 on the scale of jehenom, going 1 to 10, where 1 is a Low-risk facility "a camp", and 10 is the high-risk .
Know that there is no way to keep your sanity; no way to stay calm, no option to be nice.
A point to end with:
Yesterday I said  "cute" about something. 3 people other than me almost chocked. After regaining their facade, they patiently explained that using that term is a big no-no.

Could you see and understand I am in in a another existence?

Don't want to be in for even one more minute.

I look forward and can't believe I will survive, but there is no choice. I look back and cry for my lost time.
This place is terrible, not in a physical aspect, but for the sole and mind. Wish there was kind of magic solution, but there isn't. There is no force in the whole universe that can get me out of here.
Every day I need to confront people and reality that I don't care about, and don't want to be in for even one more minute.

The sole goes through so much here

I suffered hard days. This place, like hell in real life. "Good people" here, each and every one is a true diamond.
I am tired of this place. it's bad and dangerous. no picnic.thanks for your support, I read everything you write to me, two-three times, it's encouraging. I never expected 2015 to be such a terrible year., It does something I can't put in words yet.