"cute" is a big no-no..

It's hard to describe or explain how wrong this place is; maybe just try to imagine a cube made of steel and stone, filled with people ranging from opportunists at best, to pure evil psychopaths on the worst case.
Try to imagine a place where everything is abnormal; everything crooked or wrong, there is nothing, absolutely nothing good here. I can count less than 5 people who might be considered as "fair", and maybe one who is trustworthy. That count is of 120, most of them come and go every day, faces changing faster than one can realize.
Now take that info, try to remember this is one of the easiest units in this relatively easy detention facility, it's nothing like a real jail, most definitely not like a high-risk facility.
It's a level 3 on the scale of jehenom, going 1 to 10, where 1 is a Low-risk facility "a camp", and 10 is the high-risk .
Know that there is no way to keep your sanity; no way to stay calm, no option to be nice.
A point to end with:
Yesterday I said  "cute" about something. 3 people other than me almost chocked. After regaining their facade, they patiently explained that using that term is a big no-no.

Could you see and understand I am in in a another existence?

Don't want to be in for even one more minute.

I look forward and can't believe I will survive, but there is no choice. I look back and cry for my lost time.
This place is terrible, not in a physical aspect, but for the sole and mind. Wish there was kind of magic solution, but there isn't. There is no force in the whole universe that can get me out of here.
Every day I need to confront people and reality that I don't care about, and don't want to be in for even one more minute.

The sole goes through so much here

I suffered hard days. This place, like hell in real life. "Good people" here, each and every one is a true diamond.
I am tired of this place. it's bad and dangerous. no picnic.thanks for your support, I read everything you write to me, two-three times, it's encouraging. I never expected 2015 to be such a terrible year., It does something I can't put in words yet.

Had a few bad days here

I am O,K; had a few bad days here.This place is not a party. It's hard, filed with very different people then   what we all know.
Every single thing is different. behavior, intentions, words. Even when you think you understand something right, most likely you have a big mistake.
I  am tired

Ghost boy by Martin Pistorius

I read that book, you should read it too. Check it out:
They all thought he was gone. But he was alive and trapped inside his own body for ten years. In January 1988 Martin Pistorius, age twelve, fell inexplicably sick. First he lost his voice and stopped eating. Then he slept constantly and shunned human contact. Doctors were mystified. Within eighteen months he was mute and wheelchair bound. Martin's parents were told an unknown degenerative disease left him with the mind of a baby and less than two years to live. Martin was moved to care centers for severely disabled children. The stress and heartache shook his parents' marriage and their family to the core. Their boy was gone. Or so they thought. Ghost Boy is the heart-wrenching story of one boy's return to life through the power of love and faith. In these pages, readers see a parent's resilience, the consequences of misdiagnosis, abuse at the hands of cruel caretakers, and the unthinkable duration of Martin's mental alertness betrayed by his lifeless body. We also see a life reclaimed, a business created, a new love kindled - all from a wheelchair. Martin's emergence from his own darkness invites us to celebrate our own lives and fight for a better life for others.


Ghost Boy: The Miraculous Escape of a Misdiagnosed Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body

The closest place to jahanom.

No plants. No wind. No sky. No animals. No grass. No colors. No emotions. No bottles. No naturally running water. No moon. No bugs. No dirt. No rain. No sun. No human affections. No birds. No women. No silence. No stars. No music (other than radio). No glass. No utensils. No rights. No electric appliances. No choice. No outside air. No privacy. No internet. No cellphones.
---------
24/7 constant defense mode. concrete. anger. bad food. steel. plastic. frustrated men. steel made "beds".
thin mattresses. brown clothes, sheets, blankets. open showers. constant noise. locks. careless, mean or ignorant soharim. handcuffs. rules. chains. steel bars. leg-cuffs. shouts. neon lights. control. laws. strip searches. surveillance cameras.

The closest place to jahanom.

The eyes of a murderer

It is hard to fully understand the place I am in. So I'll just tell you about one afternoon chat, took place minutes ago, with two other inmates.
It was a fully detailed chat about murder related to gangs. By "detailed" I mean details about how exactly the tong and eyes where cut. How blood was flowing. Every detail fully described. At a low voice, with a hint of a smile.

 

You never looked in the eyes of a real murderer. I already did, more than I can count. There is death in them, it's not like in the films. You look in them and you see something different.
They could be really nice and quiet, talking with a nice smile. Low voice. Graphic details. As if reading a story out of a book. No feelings.

 

There is no chance of going through this place and stay as before. You can never erase the feeling of being with, hugging, talking to someone who is capable of killing like you go shopping.
And that's just the tip of the ice. Just one man. one story. Half an hour in one day's afternoon.

 

People think there is too much violence on TV and movies. It's nothing but a joke. Reality is much more than what you can expect.