Locked Away

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Probation service wants my blood

hey,
ani dey meyuash. the gzardin is in 10 days. the PSI recommends prison time of 51 to 72 months. it relates to me as if I'm the leader-criminal that smuggled hundreds of parts. it ignores many details that stand in my favor. it ignores my cooperation.
it is like the probation service wants to ruin my life or make me kill myself.

No one contacted me. why do you still believe someone care? almost 8 months gone and I can't even get full medical care.

where is the lawyer that suppose to meet me? she talked to you 3 weeks ago, I'm going to gzardin in 8 days, with no legal-help, with probation service that wants my blood. do I miss anything?

New years

great holiday, I barely get food, two hot meals since friday, today lunch was 40 grams of peanut butter two slices of bread, 20 grams of jelly and 50 grams of taputsips.

Real trouble

on 10.9 I received the PSI from probation. It is totally different of what it was supposed to be. It sets my points at 25 instead of 12 as agreed.

I really need your help,this is a really, really, really serious matter.
Please try to do something, anything, this is real trouble, I'm serious.
.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

My life is on pause

Wish I could be there and advise you how to get along with this occupation; as much as I dislike dealing with people, I do know how to maneuver between the drops. My only friend here claim that I "sugar coat" everything.
Nothing new here, only counting the days.My life is on pause. I'm really dead-alive, it feels like being nothing, like there is no reason to exist. A few future thoughts keep me going, trying to never think about my past and present.

Gathering my life back

Most probably 2016 will be dedicated to gather my life back, collecting and mending all the shreds, bits and pieces. I'm not on vacation here, I'm going under extreme pressures, and it will take me a while to recover. I can't believe it will be a 100% recovery. After being through some stuff, I believe it changed me forever. I've been telling you how hard it is to me for 7 months now; you can imagine some wounds will leave scars, I just can't guess how and what.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

It is more than you can imagine

My PSI was supposed to be available to me on Aug.7th. No one talked, replied or anything. You remember it's a gzar-din, not a trial, right? Therefore it doesn't really matter to them, if I get updated or not at all. They never even finished to show me the evidence, that's how it goes. Please remind yourself I'm less than nothing, here.
The only thing on my mind these days is the day after. I'm planning to go and tell about sexual assault, physical, blackmail, everything. It's not me who needs to be ashamed of what happened to me here.Trust me, ,

Zombies do really exist

First I lost weight, then I gained some back, now I'm back as I was before getting in this jehenom. It's really, really tough here, you probably get updates from Y, yet, you guys are the only ones who I can complain to, the only ones who really care.
I try not to think about the future and about going back, I do my best to discard any thought about my life there, it hurts too much. Zombies do really exist. In captivity. I now understand things like never before, too damn shame I had to get in this ugly place for that.

Doing my best to survive, but trust me, being "strong" here is impossible for people like us; it's a different world here, without anything kindness, compassion or dignity. Or anything like it. People here range between opportunists to pure evil.

Sorry for the pessimistic tone, I'm just really tired of this.

About Me

On the morning of Jan.26th while visiting in USA and two days before my scheduled flight back to Israel, I was arrested by "Homeland Security" agents. Very early in the morning they knocked the hotel room door, identified as "police", ordered me to stand outside the room for a search, barefoot, wearing only pants and light T-shirt. Then they searched the room for a few minutes, while I'm still standing outside, barefoot, cold & in shock. No warrant has been shown to me.

After searching the room, they ordered me back in and sat me for a "talk". They told me they "know everything" and that I must "be honest". That phrase was repeated many times. They displayed me a waive of rights document, and told me that if I sign it and answer their questions then they will help me. Otherwise, they said, if I choose to keep my rights, they will take me to prison where I'll be locked for a long time.
For a while I answered their questions as much as I could. I did not understand all that has been said and asked, and I can't remember most of it, since I was in shock, frightened, and because English is not my native language. During all that time, other agents walked in and out of the room, searching my personal effects, opening all my packed baggage and repacking in a different order. They asked me about personal stuff I had, and exchanged remarks and smiles regarding my sex life or style.

When done with questioning me, they said I must put in writing what they consider as "main points" and sign the statement.
To my protest that I can't express myself in a clear, correct, fair way, being under so much pressure, they said that they will guide me. Again, I had no option but to write a partially dictated statement, while the agents guiding me.

At that time I still believed everything will be over soon. If only I could know at the time of my arrest that an indictment already filed to court on Jan22nd, *four days* before my actual arrest, I would have made other choices. I believe without a doubt the agents intentionally hide that fact from me.

When the agents done with questioning me, I was cuffed and taken for processing in Homeland Security building, where they took my finger prints and DNA samples. I don't know what they did with the rental car I had, and could not question any of the processing.
When done at "homeland Security", I was delivered to Federal Detention Houston. Processing there included a complete body X-ray scan. I had no option to refuse that high amount of X-ray radiation.
Through the whole process I've been objectified as if I were a non-living package. All my prescribed medicine taken to "extermination". I had zero ask or say about any of that. At that point I truly believed I'm going to get a thyroid shock and will die there.

Being diagnosed as ADD + major depression since 2003, in addition to Grave's disease since 1995, I have suffered an extreme emotional stress and physical anxiety that made me feel as if I'm dead, watching myself outside my body.

The next morning I was brought in front of a judge. A lady who introduced herself as from Federal Public Defense told me what to answer in response to the judge questions, while we're standing in front of him. Being weak and frightened, I cannot remember a thing of what been said there.

Later I was taken to processing by US Marshals. Just by chance I managed to explain my religious needs and to hold my transfer to another facility which won't support my Jewish religion.
50$ were taken out of my money and shown to me as if it will be deposited to my inmate commissary account. Those 50$ never arrived in my commissary account.

For the next three weeks I had to relay on other inmates "favors" which I could not and should not refuse. As for my personal hygiene, I received 10ml of soap (or less) for each day. I couldn't wash my hair, clip my nails or clean my ears. I still have a month long nails growing.

On Jan.29th I was taken to court again. The Public Defender attorney appointed to my case met me for a 10 minutes talk. Then, in front of the judge, I answered as directed by her. After 10 hours in legs and hand-to-waist cuffs, I've been delivered back to detention center.
On re-processing, I was forced to "donate" my clothes and shoes to "charity". I had no other option.

It is now 4 weeks since my arrest; I had one 10 minutes meeting and two phone calls with my appointed attorney. Also one 20 minutes meet with an investigator of that office. I don't know anything about what's going to happen.

I'm getting about half of the medical care I need. The Israel embassy and Foreign Affairs Ministry, completely ignoring me, and refuse to help my friends help me.

My life in Israel is falling apart; I'm being punished before trialed. I'm getting less than minimal legal advice.

Calling friends people who can help me is limited in minutes and costs more than 6 SHEKEL per minute. It also limited by phone usage hours, call duration and time differences.

I'm helpless, threatened by the USA Federal "justice" system. They can and they do to me what ever they decide, I have no say about my life, nothing to hold on to. I'm lost.

I beg whoever reads this, please help me before it's too late. I'm 42 years old, without any criminal record. I will share all my case details with anyone who can help.

Please help me get back Home.